How to Master Difficult Conversations Without “Flying Off the Handle”!

Would you rather avoid a difficult conversation like the plague than actually have to deal with it?

They’re the kind of thing that wake you up at night, whether it’s with your boss, a colleague, a client, or even someone close to you like a friend or family member – the dread of every possible single outcome, how you will feel, how they will feel, is there an easier way, what if I do nothing?

We’ve all been there, and we’ve all had to confront them eventually (as the burying your head in the sand technique is only ever likely to get the right result for one person … and that’s not you).

STOP!

Difficult conversations don’t have to be soul-draining – and by going through all of this in your head you are wasting far too much of your precious time and energy!

If you handle this well, you can come out of this with a stronger relationship with the other person and a much better outcome than the multitude that you keep playing over in your head.

FACT!

“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” – Brené Brown

Want to know how? Keep reading…

Why Do We Struggle with Difficult Conversations?

The best place to start is always the WHY?

We struggle because there’s something at stake, that we could lose - our reputation, a relationship, or just the discomfort of hearing something we don’t want to hear. Add in the fear of conflict or being misunderstood, and it’s no wonder most of us avoid them altogether.

Reality Check: Avoiding the conversation rarely makes the issue go away. It usually just makes it BIGGER!

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” - Socrates

And that’s exactly what difficult conversations can do - they help build something new – which is exciting!

Step 1: Your Goals

“Think… before you open your mouth and use it, Samantha!”

Something I may, or may not, have heard once or twice in my childhood…

In this case though, it’s a seriously good tip…

Get yourself crystal clear about what you want to achieve first!

• Do you want to solve a problem?
• Clear up a misunderstanding?
• Set a boundary?

If you’re not clear on your own goals, the conversation will feel pretty pointless – what would your ideal outcome be?

Step 2: Timing is Key

This isn’t about pouncing on someone the minute something bothers you (again going back to my dear mum’s wisdom). It’s about finding the right moment and setting.

• Don’t bring it up when they’re stressed or distracted – make sure your head is in the right place.
• Choose a private, neutral space where both of you feel comfortable.

Trust me, having “the” chat in the middle of a busy office, while out shopping with the masses on a busy Saturday morning, or in front of the kids is not going to end well.

Step 3: Remember They’re Human Too

Start by acknowledging the other person’s perspective.

YES… even if you disagree!

Showing that you’ve thought about their feelings will lower their defences even if it is just a little – the lower that brick wall is the more chance you have of achieving a positive result…

And... a MEGA NO-NO – Blaming!

JUST DON'T DO IT!

Instead of saying, “You always…” or “You never…”, try something like, “I felt [specific emotion] when [specific situation] happened.”

You don’t like to be personally attacked – so why do it do someone else?

And, in all honesty, it's unlikley that you are talking to someone who is a mind reader, so... this may give them an awareness that they didn't have before!

Step 4: Breathe!

Yes, sometimes it's easier said than done, especially when emotions are high... BUT… keeping your cool is really a non-negotiable if you want something positive to come from this chat.

If you feel yourself starting to bubble up inside, pause.

Take a deep breath.

Remind yourself that the goal isn’t to “win” the argument—it’s to resolve the issue.

Step 5: Solutions, Not Problems

This is where sooo many conversations fall apart.

It’s easy to get stuck in a loop of complaining or rehashing the same points over and over.

Instead… shift the focus:

“How can we move forward from here?” or “What do you think would work better next time?”

The aim to be to work together to find a solution… the conversation will feel less like a confrontation and more like a collaboration.

Yay!

Step 6: Follow Up and Follow Through

Once the conversation is done, don’t just leave it hanging.

Go over what you’ve agreed on, and make sure to actually take action/follow through with what you said you’d do!

This is how you build trust, a stronger relationship with that person, and future conversations a hell of a lot easier.

The Biggest Mistake is “To Avoid”

Do not let fear hold you back.

When we avoid tough conversations, we’re not sparing ourselves discomfort—we’re just delaying it. And often, the longer we wait, the messier things get.

 Feel the fear, do it anyway, with discomfort comes growth!

A Few Last Thoughts...

Difficult conversations are part of life.

You can’t avoid them forever, but you can handle them with grace, confidence, and empathy.

The next time you’re dreading a conversation, remember this: it’s not about confrontation; it’s about connection.

“Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” - Rumi

So, what’s one conversation you’ve been putting off?

Maybe now’s the time to tackle it.

With love,

Sam x