Stop Worrying About 'What If?' and Start Owning 'What Is!'

How to Ditch the Anxiety Spiral and Actually Live Your Life 

Right, let's get personal. How many times have you caught yourself in this mental loop today?

"What if I never find 'the one'?" "What if my kids don't turn out okay?" "What if I'm wasting my life?" "What if, what if, what if..."

Sound familiar? Yeah, thought so. We've all been there!

That endless worry spiral that leaves you feeling like you're stuck in quicksand - the more you struggle, the deeper you sink.

But here's the kicker - all that "what if" malarkey? It's about as useful as a chocolate teapot. You're basically torturing yourself over things that haven't happened and, newsflash, probably never will.

So, let's talk about ditching those hypothetical worries and focusing on what you can actually control. It's time to swap "what if" for "what is" and start living in the real world, not the anxiety-fuelled soap opera in your head.

The "What If" Trap: Your Personal Life's Biggest Time Waster

Let's be real - worrying about outcomes you can't control is like trying to nail jelly to a wall. It's messy, pointless, and you'll end up feeling like a right plonker.

This obsession with "what could be" isn't just annoying, it's downright toxic. It's poisoning your relationships, sucking the joy out of life's little moments, and turning you into that friend everyone avoids because you're always doom and gloom.

But don't beat yourself up too much. Your brain's just doing what evolution programmed it to do - constantly scanning for threats. The problem is, it's treating the possibility of dying alone with the same urgency as being chased by a woolly mammoth. Not quite the same level of threat, is it?

Embracing "What Is": Your Ticket to Actually Living

Now, here's where the magic happens. Instead of fretting over hypothetical disasters, what if (see what I did there?) you focused on what you can actually influence?

This isn't some airy-fairy positive thinking nonsense. It's about being brutally honest with yourself about what you can and can't control, and then taking action on the stuff you can.

Not so many years ago I used to drive myself bonkers worrying about finding 'the one'. "What if I'm too picky and what I want doesn’t exist? What if I really am too much for someone? What if I end up alone with 17 cats?" Sound familiar?

Then one day, there was an epiphany. Instead of obsessing over these imaginary scenarios, I started asking, "What can I do right now to live a life I love, regardless of my relationship status?" And you know what? I spent three months travelling around Australia and Bali, came back to the UK and got on with my life… within a year I met the love of my life and we now have a 6 year old son! When you chill and start enjoying life… sh*t happens!

How to Make the Shift: Practical Tips for Recovering Worrywarts

Alright, enough theory. Let's get down to the nuts and bolts. Here's how you can start shifting from "what if" to "what is" in your personal life:

1. The "Can I Change It?" Filter:

Next time you catch yourself worrying, ask "Can I actually do anything about this right now?" If yes, great - get to it. If no, then worrying is about as useful as a handbrake on a canoe. Just like “Frozen” – Let it Go!

2. Turn "What Ifs" into "What Cans":

Instead of "What if I never find love?", try "What can I do to become the kind of person I'd want to date?" See the difference? One leaves you wallowing, the other gets you moving – and this works for all sorts of things… not just dating!

“What if my Son hates University?”, try “What can I do to help him with the transition?”

“What if I stumble my words in the presentation?”, try “What can I do to ace this presentation?”

The list goes on…

3. Get Your Head in the Game:

Mindfulness isn't just for hippies. Spending a few minutes focusing on your breath or surroundings can yank you out of that future-focused worry spiral and plant you firmly in the present.

4. Break It Down:

Big life worries feeling overwhelming? Chop them into smaller, actionable steps. You can't ensure your kids turn out perfectly, but you can read them a bedtime story tonight or have a proper conversation over dinner… the little things really do count.

Overcoming the "But What If..." Brigade

Now, I can already hear some of you protesting. "But Sam, if I don't worry about every possible outcome, I won't be prepared for life's curveballs!"

I call "BULLSH*T"!!!

Being prepared is good. Driving yourself barmy with endless worst-case scenarios? Not so much. There's a fine line between being prudent and being paranoid. You need to learn to recognise it!

And yes, uncertainty can feel uncomfortable. But you know what's more uncomfortable? Wasting your life fretting over things that never happen while missing out on the good stuff right in front of you. Like that sunset you didn't notice because you were too busy worrying about wrinkles. Or that potential connection you missed because you were mentally rehearsing your own lonely future.

The Ripple Effect: How This Shift Changes Everything

Here's the best part - once you start focusing on "what is" instead of "what if", everything changes. Your relationships improve because you're actually present instead of mentally catastrophizing. Your enjoyment of life skyrockets because you're living in the moment, not some imaginary future. And when real challenges do pop up, you're better equipped to handle them because you haven't exhausted yourself worrying about imaginary ones.

Time to Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

Alright, enough chat. It's time for action. Here's your challenge: This week, catch yourself every time you start spiralling into "what if" territory in your personal life. Then, consciously shift your focus to "what can I do right now?"

It'll feel weird at first. You might even feel a bit naked without your worry security blanket. But stick with it. Because let me tell you, there's nothing more liberating than realising you don't have to be a prisoner to your own imagination.

Remember, you're too busy being a badass in the real world to waste time worrying about hypothetical bollocks. So, get out there and start living in the "what is". Your future self will thank you for it.

Now go forth and actually live your life, you magnificent worry-free beast!

With tough love and a virtual kick up the backside,

Sam x